Karen Rabbitt

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I Will Yet Praise Him

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God. Psalm 42: 5, 11 and 43:5

Three times in these two Psalms, the writer admonishes himself. In D. Martin Lloyd-Jones book, Spiritual Depression, which I read years ago when I fought serious depression, he references these verses as he talks about “taking ourselves in hand.” That’s the phrase I recalled as I slogged through July.

In previous years, it was a revelation that I didn’t have to let myself live in what I felt. I could, to some extent,”take myself in hand,” and step outside it, into more objectivity.

When we’re seriously depressed, though, there’s no objectivity. We see only what’s right in front of us. Our perspective narrows. But the blahs come in several shades of gray. And my July experience, rather than the nighttime of severe depression, was about the color of our house–a pewter hue of slowed-downness.

One of the secrets of coping with feeling down is not to shame oneself for it. That down mood is our cue to ask for insight and wisdom from our Father-God who loves to give us what we need. We need to know what’s feeding the depression so we can pray more effectively.

I don’t know all that burdened me those weeks. (Even therapists don’t always make sense of their own issues.) Jerry’s cancer, my extra few pounds, feeling professionally stymied, all contributed. I assume Satan had a hand in it.

Whatever. Under stress, I’m prone to depression. We all have our weaknesses. Unlike some other periods of my life, I got out of bed every day. I cooked and did my usual duties. But I read a lot, wasn’t creative, and praise required choice.

I chose to remind myself, daily, that my hope is in Jesus. Not ministry, or a healthy husband, or weighing what I weighed in high school.

When we cannot muster deep-hearted praise, it’s time to remind ourselves that we will again. God will bring us back. He will bring us out. Jesus promises his peace.

Jesus, thank you for all the times you’ve carried us through. Meet us again, today, with your truth and your smile.

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Spiritual Battle is Real

Trading Fathers, Forgiving Dad, Embracing God, my memoir of sexual abuse and God’s redemption, comes out in March. In July, my husband is diagnosed with cancer.

I speak about “Finding God’s Heart” at a women’s retreat in late February. In early March, both our vehicles break down, costing $2300 to fix.

I speak to a small Bible study at a nursing home last Monday. On Tuesday, I spend the night vomiting. I’m so sick Wednesday I can’t even read or watch TV. Food poisoning, I assume. I’m still sick.

Just so you know, spiritual battle is real. When we are seeking to take ground back from Satan, he will attack. But greater is he who is in us than he who is in the world. (1John 4:4) The victory belongs to Jesus!

Jesus, you are Lord. You are Savior. You are the Prince of Peace. You will deliver and save and redeem. Glory.

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Food, Lies, and Heart Hunger

Stress. Internal or external demands that exceed our ability to manage without resorting to dysfunctional behaviors. Like gaining five pounds in the last few months while my husband and I have been walking through prostate cancer. We all have our favorite ways to comfort ourselves or get through the day when the days are intense.

I use food, often without self-awareness. Not until this week have I realized that’s why I’ve gained the weight. In retrospect, an obvious conclusion.

I have lots of company. Millions of Americans are overweight or obese. I used to be one of them. Maybe you’re struggling, too, especially during this season of temptation in America.

If not food, are you using alcohol or relationships or cigarettes when life gets overwhelming? Do you realize it’s a way to cope with emotional pain?

If it is food, it’s not just “I love food,” as I’ve heard some overweight people say. It’s deeper than that. Almost everyone loves food. How do we use food? What’s the fear, sadness, abandonment that feeds the “hunger” for food. What is that deeper hunger? Do we know? Are we willing to know?

Did our father leave when we were seven? Did our mother ridicule us in junior high? Did the other children reject us because our clothing wasn’t stylish? Such pain these rejections cause. If you resonate, I know you’re in a lot of pain.

Those events may live in the past but that pain still lives in our hearts. We can invite Jesus in to bring his truth, light, and healing. We can hear him speak his specific truth that counters the “truth” we learned at the hands of those who hurt us.

Our ability to manage stress is directly proportional to our heart grasp of Jesus’ truth.

Jesus, please give us power to face our deep pain, with you. Show us our next step. Thank you for all you’ve done already and for all you are doing and all you will do.

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Nobody Wants to Join This Club

Last week, we joined one of those clubs nobody wants to join. When Jerry's urologist opened up his laptop in his office last Tuesday afternoon, he glanced at the biopsy report and said, "Uh, oh." We knew. And we quickly learned about Gleason numbers, and brachytherapy and radical prostatectomy. None of which we wanted to know.

We didn't want to learn that Gleason numbers run 1-5 and 5 is worse than 1, nor were we interested in the dual nature of the numbers, where the first one represents just how bad the dominant group of cancer cells looks and the second one informs us of the second worse group. (Jerry's: 4+3 on one side, 3+4 on the other.) We did not want to know any of that!

And yet, here we are. Not where we expected to be. Jerry feels fine. We had no clue. The PSA (Postate Specific Antigen) was 5, but lots of guys have high numbers without cancer. Only about 25% of those who have biopsies because of high PSAs actually hear bad news. We were really counting on being in the 75%. But, no.

So surgery is scheduled and we think it's early enough and we're trusting Papa-God. The Father of all comfort. He who does all things well.

We all join unwanted groups. The club of a teenager doing drugs. The fraternity of divorce. The association of the unemployed. These are times that test our trust, that challenge our naive hope that life will be as it has always been.

Enlightened now, we face the truth. Life is not what we want it to be. And yet. God is as he has always been. At our side. Full of truth and lovingkindness. With compassion and grace sufficient for the trial.

Father, thank you for grace to endure, grace to trust, and grace to cling. Truly, you do all things well, no matter what it looks like and no matter what it feels like. Amen.

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Sometimes Satan Wins

Sometimes Satan wins. When Adam and Eve chose the apple, Satan won the right to fight. But his victories are small, his triumph is temporary and in the midst of the battles, we are borne up on the love of Papa-God. In eternal perspective, his wins are small and transient, though they may last a lifetime.

When we battle chronic illness or chronic unemployment or a house lost, nothing feels small about his hand against us. Even the everyday battles of car breakdowns, work miscommunications, or our American discomfort with a new frugality may feel overwhelming.

And yet, with Job, (13:15) who suffered as much as any of us, we can affirm: "Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him" We can grieve all we need to, but we can also imitate Job's testimony from 1:22. "In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing." In spite of Satan's temporary victories in this fallen world of which he is the god, we can rest in the eternal perspective of the Father.

The Father sees. Papa-God knows our situations. He knows and he cares. And he is bringing a kingdom that, he says, will be worth what it costs in the suffering of this present evil age, where, sometimes, Satan wins. For a time.

Father, May your kingdom come. We long for your will to be done, everywhere on the earth. We long for you.

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