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Best News Ever

If we get the emotional nurture we need in childhood, we move out of the house saying, “Hey, Mom and Dad, it’s been great. I’ll be in touch. Love you!”

If we don’t get the attention, affection, and respect we need as children, we leave our childhood home with two choices. We either look for parents everywhere or we grieve our losses and find God to be our real Father. It’s not that black and white, of course, but those are the three extremes.

At twenty years old, most of us don’t realize the losses. But perhaps we pull up the covers every night exhausted from working beyond our limits. Or we drift into drinking too much every weekend. Maybe we hang out with our college teachers because they give us attention. In the midst of those pursuits, we probably don’t realize that we are looking to fill a hole.

The healthier choice means we open our hearts to ourselves. Because we stop and think, we notice the voids. We start journaling. We pay attention to our sadness. We ask ourselves questions: “Why am I feeling so sad?” “Where did that anger come from? It seemed like an overreaction.” “Gee, I’m awfully anxious today. What’s that about?”

Grieving starts with noticing the losses and telling ourselves the truth about inattention, emotional violence, and disrespect. It continues with identifying and feeling our feelings. Then we can decide whether or not we are willing to cancel the debt our parents owe us. We can decide if we’re willing to see our parents as weak, sinful people rather than powerful gods.

We can release our hope that we will someday get what we need from our parents. That’s key. Because the truth is, if they were willing and able to give us the attention, affection, and respect we deserved, they would have done it already. We can try to confront them and ask for what we need. A rare parent can respond and make the changes. Most won’t.

But Papa-God, the most excellent Father, gives us what we need. He suffers with us. He never leaves us alone. He holds our hand, every minute. He attends to us with gentleness and respect for our limitations and abilities. He disciplines, molds, and fills us with his life that lasts forever.  Papa-God’s smile fills the holes in our hearts. In an increasingly fatherless world, that is the best news ever.

Good Papa, thank you.

 

 

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A Courageous Father

 

Last week, I wrote, “I wanted a father’s love.” Even at sixty years old, there is part of me that misses a good father and depictions of good fathering touch me. So I was touched by the stories of the men of the Courageous movie. Four cops and one laborer show how five fathers’ characters are changed or exposed after a tragedy. Sherwood Baptist’s fourth film follows an abandoning father, a distracted father, a crooked father, and two heroic, courageous fathers.

Courageous Poster Most of us had one of those kinds of fathers.  Many children rarely or never see their fathers. Some have criminal fathers. Others grew up with fathers whose attention was elsewhere even when they were home. Few of us have heroic fathers, fathers who reliably protected, provided, confronted and comforted us.

And yet, Father-God is a heroic father who wants to father each one of us. Do we believe that?  Our experiences with our first authorities shape our expectations of Father-God, the ultimate authority.  If you want to attach to God as a father, start with identifying what kind of father you had. Was he there? What kind of eye contact did he give you? Did he give you hugs? Were those hugs safe? How was his integrity? Did he do what he said he would do? Did he keep his promises?

Then, compare those answers to how you believe God deals with you. Is he walking beside you? Is he looking at you with eyes of compassion? Do you sit on the couch with his arm around you? Do you feel safe with him? Has he done what he promised he would do?

We want to believe God is good, good in every way and at all times. We affirm it intellectually, but do we know his goodness in our experience? Spiritual growth is that continual movement toward merging our heads and our hearts.

While it’s easy to become a Christian, to say the words, it’s not easy to go deep with God. Depth takes a relentless pursuit of our own hearts and of God’s heart. Depth, like fatherhood, takes courage.

Father, give us the courage to know ourselves and to know you.

 

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Relationship or Contract

“What does all this mean? Even though the Gentiles were not trying to follow God’s standards, they were made right with God. And it was by faith that this took place.  But the people of Israel, who tried so hard to get right with God by keeping the law, never succeeded. Why not? Because they were trying to get right with God by keeping the law instead of by trusting in him.” Romans 9:30-32

Reading these words Tuesday, I was struck, once again, that God wants a personal relationship. Many of us, even after we believe Jesus is Messiah, still try to be accepted by him through doing right, thinking right, and feeling right. Yes, singing songs, listening to a sermon, meditating on scripture, and exercising courage in spite of fear are all good. But God accepts us into his family because we trust him, not because we do it all right.

Seeking acceptance by performance is a business contract. If we operate as if the foundation of our relationship  is contractual, we’ve missed God’s best. A contract lays out the goals and duties of the parties to the agreement. Love isn’t essential to a contract. Respect is not crucial. Obedience is all that matters and disobedience, not meeting the contract terms, will terminate the agreement.

mom & her family Pictures, Images and PhotosGod is after more than that. He wants a family. He wants obedience, yes. But he wants obedience not because he’ll disown us if we disobey, but because obedience is what we’re made for. We’re made to be part of Papa-God’s family. That’s where life is. There’s no hope, no future, and no forgiveness outside the family of God. Inside the family, faith, hope, and love reign and life extends forever.

Good families don’t disown disobedient children. Boundaries may be set, fellowship may be broken, but a light burns in the front window for us.

Are you trusting Jesus’ love sacrifice? Or are you attempting to do everything right?

Father, strengthen our trust.

 

 

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I Am Convinced

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38,39.

angel Pictures, Images and PhotosNeither the death of a spouse, nor the life of an abuser, neither an angel sent from God nor a demon sent from Lucifer, neither the dollars I’ve invested with little return nor the possibility of speaking to thousands, neither flying at 38,000 feet or diving to the ocean depths, nor any other aspect of life on earth–neither disappointments nor joys–will be able to separate me from the love of Papa-God expressed in Jesus, the God-Man, who is Lord of all.

Fill in your own blanks. On the awful side–chronic illness, death of a child, sexual abuse, etc. On the wonderful side–a new marriage, a healthy child, a cure for your cancer…

Nothing can separate us. Nothing. Not one thing that we endure or rejoice in can separate us from God’s love.

Father, we want a fresh awareness of your deep commitment to us. Beyond all our disappointments and joys, we want to rest in you. Amen. Glory. Hallelujah.

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Hoping for a Sure Thing

Okay. Time to throw cancer out out the back door of my mind. Jerry is done with radiation. I won’t pick him up from the cancer center this afternoon. Surely, that door will just slam shut. Denial is my friend.
doors to closet and bathroom Pictures, Images and Photos
It’s my friend because it’s unconscious. I don’t even know I’m doing it. I just go blithely on my way, leaving those nasty deathbed images piled up in the backyard, where I never venture.

Suppression is the conscious version of denial. I’ll probably have to settle for that. I’ll install a lock on the back bedroom so when those hospital images come, I can herd them back there and lock them in. Then, in the room where I live, I’ll pull out the faith file and plaster the walls with God words and images.

Faith, Hebrews says, is being “sure of what we hope for.” What, exactly, can I be sure of? What can I hope for? Those seem like two different arenas. I can be sure that Jesus will be with us, through anything. He will provide, protect, confront, and comfort us. I can be sure that “your will be done” is always a good prayer. I do hope for his will to be done, but short-term, I don’t always want it.

I want to hope for twenty more good years. I can put up pictures of traveling the Oregon coast and taking grandboy to the zoo and snuggling together every morning. But who can be sure?

I heard recently about a woman who’d been so afraid to fly she always took trains. Then she died while driving her car a mile from home when somebody pulled out in front of her. Suddenly, she’s in eternity.

Let’s hope for what we can be sure of when we approach that gate made of a single pearl. Jesus will have triumphed over cancer, one way or another. Papa-God is watching at the window for us. The Holy Spirit, the Spirit of the Father and the Son, has carried us through, beyond the deathbed, to life that lasts forever.

Father, give us grace to hope for what we can be sure of.

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The Backpack-carrying God

On my morning walk, I noticed a mom holding the hands of her two early elementary age children, on the other side of the busy brick street. When traffic cleared, she let go and they ran across, jostling oversized backpacks. On their way to school, I assumed, the children trudged in front of me up the side street. From the front porch, Mom shouted encouragement.

Do many believers think that’s a picture of God with us? We’re on our way to study or work for him, hauling a huge backpack.

Do we experience God as watching over us, certainly, but from a distance? He’s above us, on the porch, able to see a long way. He’s calling to us, “Keep it up. No, don’t dilly-dally there. Good job. You can carry that load.”

Is that what he means when he says in Matt. 28:20, “I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.”? This is the God-man who wept with Mary and Martha at the tomb of Lazarus. It’s the Spirit of Jesus who settled like tongues of fire in that upper room where 120 followers waited and prayed for “power from on high.” The one who is with us always is the Father-God of whom Isaiah says, “In all their distress he too was distressed.” (63:9)

He’s not just standing on the porch, cheering us on. He’s carrying the pack, walking with us, holding our hand.

Jesus, sweet Jesus, we long to experience, daily, that sense of your manifest presence with us. More Lord, more.

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Promise Keeper God

Spring is compressed in central Illinois this year.  Usually the redbud, dogwood, and crab tree blooms are separated by a week or two.  This year, however, everything is blooming together. In the backyard, the weeping cherry waves its pink blossoms. On my morning walks, I stop to smell the viburnums at the library. Last night, biking back from dinner with friends, the crabs perfumed the air. Bluebells dress the pasture out at Homer Lake. Unlike some years when they turn brown from an untimely freeze, tulip magnolias have bloomed and are spreading pink petals at their feet.

This winter awakening reminds me of an April a few years ago in Washington, D.C.. The tulips painted the ground with reds and yellows around the monuments while the crabs, dogwoods, and redbuds stood in full-dress guard. Another spring we caught the cherry trees around the Tidal Basin. We walked to the Jefferson Memorial as the pink blooms fell at our feet. And once, a very long time ago, the wisteria across the front of the National Gallery was in bloom. Magnificent green and purple against the white marble.

Every spring is different. Sometimes I’m in a different place. Sometimes the sequence of reawakening life is spread out or interrupted. But so far, spring has arrived. Every year.

Just like God promised in the beginning:  “While the earth remaineth, seedtime and harvest, and cold and heat, and summer and winter, and day and night shall not cease.” Genesis 8:22.

Father, you are a God who keeps his promises. Thank you.

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A Tenacious Focus

Even if you have a difficult father to overcome, as I did, God wants to father you into all he's made you to be. That sentence capsulizes my memoir, Trading Fathers. When I first began to write my story of wrestling with God, honing that sentence took six months. Getting the story in a sentence is a good starting place for writing, especially a piece of creative non-fiction. "Creative" means using fiction techniques, like dialogue and scene, to tell a non-fiction story.

Writing a book requires a tenacious focus. Every scene chosen must contribute to the story's forward movement. Dialogue must be carefully crafted to convey character. Every page needs to express the theme. 

Sometimes I wonder. Has God formulated our story in a sentence? Is he writing the story of our lives with a similar intensity of focus?

He knows where he wants the story to go. His general theme is "making us into the image of Jesus" so we can walk with him in holiness, lest we burn up near his "consuming fire." Is he crafting the scenes of our lives as carefully as I crafted the scenes of my memoir?

And what's our part in the story? We seem to be more than characters, but less than authors.What mysteries we populate. Plots and subplots yet to be lived. Endings sure but unclear to us, the characters. And yet, most of the time, I'm grateful not to be the author of my own life. I've written a book. It's hard work. Being a character is God's great story isn't always easy, either, but not so hard as being the author.

Father, author of life, source of being. May we submit our whole hearts to the story you are writing.

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The Call of Wisdom

Wisdom, Proverbs says, is supreme. “Though it cost all you have, get understanding.”(4:7) 

The wise person manages his weaknesses. He flees the streets of temptation. Some doors are always locked and the keys have been melted in fire. He knows “Just this once” is a dark lie. He understands his Father’s call.

Door, Dunbarton Oaks

The wise person recognizes her strengths. She develops her talents, with Godly boldness. When fear knocks, she locks him out. Though fear camps on the front porch, when the call comes, she strides through its slime. 

The wise person obeys the God who calls us out of darkness into his marvelous light. (1Peter 2:9) That obedience, though it may cost all we have, is worth all it costs.

Father, we are stupid and dull in ways we don’t fully realize. We need your wisdom today.

 

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God’s File Cabinet

In November, I wrote that I was "Free to be Wrong," about Jerry's pathology report from prostate cancer. I'd expected clear margins and got reports of two areas of positive margin. I had so hoped for a good report.

And, yet! The first PSA report: "Undetectable." In spite of cancer cells right at the edge of the removed tissue, there are not enough cancer cells remaining to produce any prostate-specific antigen in the first blood test after the surgery. That means no radiation. That meant we were able to go to Colorado to see our little grandson and his parents. It meant Jerry went back to work in a few weeks. It meant we could push "CANCER" to the back of our minds.

There's a large file cabinet there, in the recesses of our hearts, with lots of pieces of our lives: retirement finances, job security, book sales, speaking engagements, all the dangers and uncertainties of the world.  Label: "God's Problems."  

File

The cabinet contains those parts of our lives that we have no or little control over. They have to be God's responsibility. We can save and plan for retirement, but we don't know what health challenges may drain our reserves. We don't know whether the banks might fail. We don't know what disasters may come.  By his grace, we lock up our worries into this cabinet, kept in a dark back room.  What parts of your life need to be locked up in a "God's Problems" cabinet? Ministry future? Company sales? Health worries? May we all have grace to give God what is his responsibility and keep only what he gives us.

Father. In these days of uncertainty, be our rock. In these days of fear, be our comfort. In these long days of waiting, be our hope.

 

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Bonus Post Today; Guest Post Friday

"A Safe Lap" is today’s guest post at Pearl Girls:

http://margaretmcsweeney.blogspot.com/2009/12/guest-blogger-karen-rabbitt.html

Pearl Girls button

On Friday, Elisabeth Corcoran, author of He Is Just That Into You, He Is Just That Into Youwill be my guest poster.

 

See more info about her book here:

Website  http://www.elisabethcorcoran.com   

Blog  http://elisabethcorcoran.blogspot.com

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Free to Be Wrong

Wrong again.

Yesterday, Jerry’s prostate cancer pathology report showed that the edges of the tissue tested positive for cancer cells, in two spots. Not “We got it all,” like I’d hoped. 

Because the cancer has seemed like spiritual battle, I’d been sure God would win a decisive victory. Nope. Not in the way I expected.

In fact, the lymph nodes are clear. That is decisive. No cancer has migrated away from the prostate bed. In the immediate area, though, some cells may remain to wreak havoc.

God just doesn’t do it the way we expect, does he? We expect him to protect our job, but we get a pink slip. We assume God has his hand on our marriages just before our spouse walks out. Or, conversely, we think our prodigal daughter will never call us again, until the phone rings one Sunday morning.

We are free to be wrong. The longer I walk with Papa-God, the less sure I am about what he’ll do in each situation. But the more sure I am that he is involved. We don’t have to get it right.

me and my son Pictures, Images and Photos

Because, right or wrong, he’s got us. His strong right arm surrounds us. He is working out his plans and purposes, for us and for eternity.

Papa, please give us all grace to relax against the strength of your arm. Thank you.

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What He Gives is Enough

By the time you read
this, we’ll know whether the cancer in Jerry’s prostate has spread.  He’ll
be two days post-surgery. That is, if Windows Live Writer publishes this post
I’m writing on Tuesday, on Friday. New technology to me, in a new computer. Am
I doing it right? We’ll see. Soon I’ll install Windows 7 and maybe everything
will change again.

Will our lives change
if we’ve found the cancer has spread? Yes. We’ll sign up for radiation or
hormone therapy or whatever else the doctors order.

And yet,Forest sunbeams no. We’ll
hold each other morning and night and pray for our day and our sleep. We’ll
enjoy our new Skype account that lets us see an image of our grandboy while we
talk. We’ll take evening walk-and-talks. Somehow, walking together yields more
connection than sitting together.  

We’ll keep trusting
God. We’ll look for Romans 8:28 about God working for good in everything (for
those who love him and are called according to his purpose) to be made manifest
again, right in the middle of our days.

Dozens of people are
praying. Surrounded, we feel peaceful, hopeful, the day before. We hope to keep
that peace whatever happens.

God doesn’t give us
guarantees. He gives us an unchangeable “I am with you always.” He gives the
example of Job: “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him.” He gives us grace
for the day and hope for the future. What he gives is enough.

Thank you,
Papa-God, for being enough for us.

 

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