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Everything is Okay?

 

It’s a phrase I’ve seen alot lately. “Everything is okay.” Or, “Everything will be okay.” In what sense is it meant? I just ran across it in a picture of a an artwork as I was checking out topsy.com, a search site for social media. I’ve seen it in a store window. A search on topsy.com of those phrases returns hundreds of hits.

Does it mean a current state of personal distress will pass and good feelings will come again? Does it mean human beings will work out all the political and social problems of our time? Does it mean we will all be together in harmony with God in the end?

I can agree with the first one. Emotions come and go.

But the second two? Human beings cannot even agree on what the problems are, much less agree on solutions. And while I wish the third idea was true, I don’t see it in the Word of God.

If we are walking with Jesus, then, yes, there is an expectation that all will be okay in the end.

Otherwise, it seems like whistling in the dark. A phrase to allow those in danger to keep spirits up as they bump through the night. Would that they would reach for the Light of the world to illumine the path. Only through Him will our paths lead home, where the porch light awaits.

Father, for Jesus sake, shine your light in this darkness. Have mercy on the wanderers. And on those of us who believe we see.  Amen.

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Search for Truth

 

More than forty years ago when I needed University-approved housing at the last minute, I took a cancellation at a boarding house in Champaign. One of those accidental roommates in that small triple room was God’s intentional means to draw me into his heart. This excerpt from my memoir, Trading Fathers, describes our first encounter:

“When I returned to Leeman Lodge, the roommate who’d claimed the single bed was kneeling next to it on the floor. She had long brown hair, lively brown eyes, and a full mouth. She glanced up and smiled. “Hi, I’m Mercedes. I’m praying. I’ll be with you in twenty minutes.”

“I’m Karen.” She probably saw my face fall before I ducked behind the chest that separated her bed from the bunks. I sat on the lower bunk, my head in my hands. Praying, huh? Right.

Jerry had warned me about those “Jesus freaks.” He’d gone up to DeKalb, to Northern Illinois University, to sell some handmade ceramic incense burners to the head shops. The Jesus freaks had accosted him and wouldn’t stop bothering him. Though he’d also been raised a Catholic, like me, he had stopped going to mass. Neither of us thought Jesus had anything to offer us.

I had, however, intensified my search for truth since that suicidal crisis on the day I first talked to Jerry. I had not yet heard “You shall know the truth and the truth will set you free,” but I instinctively longed to know what reality was solid enough to build a life on. But I was sure Jesus wasn’t it.”

I was nineteen years old and knew I was right. God was unknowable.

But God knew my proud and broken heart and within the next year, Jesus revealed himself to me.  In the intervening years, God has convinced me he’s not only knowable, but lovable.  The God revealed in his Son is the solid foundation of my life. Sometimes he’s confusing, he’s always mysterious, and occasionally, he’s confrontational. He’s also gentle, humble, and kind. I owe him everything.

What’s your story?

Father, thank you for Jesus and for the Holy Spirit who reveals truth to our hearts. Help us to hear your voice and sense your smile today. 

 

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Recognize a Safe Person

 

“Find a safe person to process your pain with,” I wrote in Trauma Thoughts. Who’s a safe person? Some of us instinctively know who’s safe and who’s not, but others may find themselves repeatedly baring their souls to people who ignore or trample them.

If we need to develop skill in recognizing a trustworthy person, here are three questions:  ”Is this person maintaining eye contact with me?” “Is her voice kind?” “Is he speaking truth?”  And listen to your own feelings. Do you feel safe? What do you expect them to say and do when you disclose your hidden pain?

bully Pictures, Images and PhotosIf you say, “Sometimes I still feel like a little kid getting bullied on the playground.” Will she say, “Oh, yeah, everybody goes through that. I was so scared, in third grade, of George…” and she sails off on her own tale, leaving you watching from the shore. Her indifference to your pain only adds pain.

Will she say, “You must have done something to deserve it.” Her cruelty will double the old pain. Nobody deserves bullying. Bullying is sadistic. Bullies get pleasure from your pain.

Or will he say, “I’m sorry that happened to you. Do you want to tell me more about it?” If he doesn’t have time then, he’ll say so but he’ll offer you a date when he is available. His attentiveness alone will lighten your load.

Pay attention to the clues others give. Ask God to provide a safe person for you. Don’t let your soul be trampled further by indifference or cruelty. Everyone, including you, deserves love.

How have you learned to distinguish safe people from unsafe people?

Resource:  Safe People

Father, help us to recognize trustworthy people. 

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Abusers are Good at Evil

In the wake of the allegations against Penn State’s Jerry Sandusky, I give thanks for the national conversation about sexual violation. Is Mr. Sandusky guilty? I don’t know. He has the hallmarks of an abuser.  I’m also grateful that stories accusing others of abuse are being taken more seriously.

As we consider how to protect our own children and grandchildren,  Anna Salter’s book on offenders is an excellent, if disturbing, resource. Every parent would do well to read the last chapter on deflecting abusers. Not detection. Deflection. It’s a cultural mythology that we can recognize evil when we see it. We think we know someone is lying if they don’t look us in the eye. We think we can pick out a thief or a rapist. We want to believe we can pick out the person with private fantasies involving children. Salter says,however, that we cannot ascertain private behavior from public. Just because someone looks good doesn’t mean he is good.

Male Angel Pictures, Images and PhotosThe slick deception of which an abuser is capable can fool all of us. We don’t actually believe the scriptures that say Satan can disguise himself as an “angel of light” and that his followers can “masquerade as servants of righteousness.” II Corinthians 11:13-15. My abuser, my father, was a praying, church-going, hard-working, long-married husband.

Was he, is any, abuser completely evil? No. Only Satan himself is irredeemably evil. Even abusers are all mixtures of good and evil, just like the rest of us. But abusers aren’t honest. They seek to deceive and deflect and betray. And they are good at it.

Let the conversation continue as these cases proceed.

Father, bring your justice, please. 

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Relationship or Contract

“What does all this mean? Even though the Gentiles were not trying to follow God’s standards, they were made right with God. And it was by faith that this took place.  But the people of Israel, who tried so hard to get right with God by keeping the law, never succeeded. Why not? Because they were trying to get right with God by keeping the law instead of by trusting in him.” Romans 9:30-32

Reading these words Tuesday, I was struck, once again, that God wants a personal relationship. Many of us, even after we believe Jesus is Messiah, still try to be accepted by him through doing right, thinking right, and feeling right. Yes, singing songs, listening to a sermon, meditating on scripture, and exercising courage in spite of fear are all good. But God accepts us into his family because we trust him, not because we do it all right.

Seeking acceptance by performance is a business contract. If we operate as if the foundation of our relationship  is contractual, we’ve missed God’s best. A contract lays out the goals and duties of the parties to the agreement. Love isn’t essential to a contract. Respect is not crucial. Obedience is all that matters and disobedience, not meeting the contract terms, will terminate the agreement.

mom & her family Pictures, Images and PhotosGod is after more than that. He wants a family. He wants obedience, yes. But he wants obedience not because he’ll disown us if we disobey, but because obedience is what we’re made for. We’re made to be part of Papa-God’s family. That’s where life is. There’s no hope, no future, and no forgiveness outside the family of God. Inside the family, faith, hope, and love reign and life extends forever.

Good families don’t disown disobedient children. Boundaries may be set, fellowship may be broken, but a light burns in the front window for us.

Are you trusting Jesus’ love sacrifice? Or are you attempting to do everything right?

Father, strengthen our trust.

 

 

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You Just Have to Believe

 

The “work” God requires is to believe in Jesus.  John 6:28-29. Sounds easy, doesn’t it? Just believe. And yet, belief requires a deep attitude change.

kels sitting on chair Pictures, Images and Photos

Unlike being ”good.” In many ways, we can be good, as some are saying now, without belief in the father of Jesus. Often, we can choose kindness and consideration. We can choose to do what’s good for us and for others, at least as far as our own insight and self-control takes us.

Belief, however, requires something much more penetrating. To believe is to put our weight down, as on a chair, expecting to be held. To trust.

 

Reminds me of a poem:

 

Oh, My

 

Being good—that’s not so hard.

 

I can tell the truth, mostly,

and stay out of other people’s beds

and even forgive my father.

 

But belief.  Oh my.

 

I am made a little lower than the angels?

I am accepted in the beloved?

I am the joy set before you?

 

Oh, my goodness.

 

 

©2011 Karen Rabbitt

All Rights Reserved

 

Father, give us grace today to believe in the one you have sent.

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No Fault Rejection

As we pulled out cash to pay for a camping spot, a guy on a golf cart pulled up to the open door behind us. ”Nope, that’s not a camper.”

The desk clerk had just agreed that our Dodge van, with its electrical connection, was an acceptable camper for their private campground. He’d explained that some people camped in mini-vans and ran an electrical cord out a window, sleeping on the seats. That wasn’t allowed. We’d assured him that our handmade camper van with its beds, electrical outlets, and portable toilet was a real camper.

As the guy in the golf cart sped off, my husband, Jerry, turned toward the door.

“Don’t bother. That’s the owner. He’s made up his mind. I’m sorry.” Red-faced, the clerk handed back our forty dollars.

After Jerry and I pulled on our seat belts in our unacceptable camper, we looked at each other.

“What is this all about? It does not make sense. Why have so many campgrounds refused to let us in?” He frowned as he started the car and pulled out of the gravel parking lot onto Highway 1. We’d been travelling up the coast of California as part of a three month retirement trip and many places had rejected us.

“I know. I guess I can sort of see why, in Malibu, they didn’t want surfers staying in their cars. But it’s hasn’t been just Malibu. That one the other day that only took commercially built campers less than ten years old.” I stared at the white-capped waves.

“They just want the rich. We’re too poor for them.”

“I guess. Sure, our van is fifteen years old, but it still looks good.” Jerry’s anger made sense. “But, you know what, this must be what minorities feel all the time. Rejection for no rhyme or reason.”

“Yeah, it’s like something’s wrong with us. Nobody has a real reason. They just don’t want ‘our kind’.” Jerry glanced at me. “There’s something to write about.”

After that, we began to avoid places that, in our campground directory, said ‘no tents.’ If they allowed tents, we knew they’d take us. But we had to pay for a motel in Portland, when the only place close enough to mass transit said, ‘no tents.’

Like no previous situation, this experience gave us, a white sixty-something couple, an unexpected lesson in empathy. I got the tiniest glimpse of what minorities experience regularly. I’ve heard our elegantly dressed African-American friend describe being followed around women’s clothing stores. I’ve listened to my Sri Lankan friend say, “The white schoolmasters couldn’t believe I and my brother could be so brilliant.”

Now I understand just a bit of my friends’ pain and anger.

Jesus, I thank you that you always understand. You know, you see, and your justice will prevail.  (Matthew 12:20)

 

 

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Yes!

“On the other hand, all the images and thoughts we’ve been given are positive.” It was last Tuesday morning. Jerry and I were out for a drive in the country before his noon oncology appointment. It’s been six months since treatment for his “moderately aggressive” prostate cancer ended. The prostate-specific antigen (PSA) test results we’d hear would define our future.

I’d been fearful that morning, my characterological anxiety leading to primitive emotions. “I know it’s not true, intellectually, but if God doesn’t heal, it feels like it means he doesn’t love me.” “If this is spiritual warfare and God ‘loses,’ what does that mean?”

In one sense, I was okay with whatever happened. I’ve been through so much, I know God can carry me through anything. Even if God ‘lost’ this battle, he’s already won the war. Jesus’ sacrifice defines God’s love, not whether Jerry lives or dies.

It helped my struggle, that morning, to remind myself of Jerry’s image during recent prayer at the International Healing Rooms in Spokane: “I saw God strangling the cancer cells.” I remembered the sentence, during worship, a few months ago: “He has twenty-five more years.”

But it was a challenge, that morning. Some mornings are irremediably challenging. We’re anxious, scared, full of fearful images. I’d have loved it if I could have just leaned my head on Jesus’ chest, resting. I couldn’t. His perfect love has not yet cast out all my fear. (1 John 4:18)

Celebrate Life! Pictures, Images and Photos

And yet, God had hold of me. He’s committed to each one of us who walk with him. Our sinful anxieties do not change his commitment to us. Glory to God.

And, glory to God, PSA is undetectable. No cancer cells left. Yes.

Father, we are grateful. And beyond this particular grace, we are grateful for your unchanging, eternal commitment. Thank you.

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Studying Anger

Last week, I talked about reading emotions, particularly anger. In fact, we need to do more than read our anger. We need to study.

To study is to understand, to fit into an organized structure of information, to read and think and do experiments until we make sense of a subject.

Libraries are written on anger. A search yields 79 million results. We don’t need to read more than a few of those entries, a couple of books, and the Bible to study our own emotion of anger. Among other information, we’ll learn that everybody gets angry, though some of us deny that.  We’ll understand that most cultures teach their boys and girls differently about anger. We’ll get an overview of the kinds of situations that typically provoke anger. We’ll learn some wisdom sayings about anger. “A soft answer turns away wrath” the Bible says. (Proverbs 15:1)

The real challenge is examining our own anger thoroughly enough to deeply understand ourselves. Some of us feel we don’t need to understand. What’s the point? “I’m angry, I’m right, and life, the institution, or the other person needs to change.”

wisdom Pictures, Images and Photos

Others of us are too afraid or ashamed of our anger to study it. We just want to get rid of it any way we can. Some of us don’t even let ourselves feel it to start with.

My father was an angry man. If he had been a client, I’d have said he was a rageaholic, based on reports of his use of anger to control his family, including occasional episodes of out-of-control rages. The fear of what he might do in that anger led me to suppress my anger, for years. And fear of making others angry often alters my behavior.

Anger, like any emotion, is a complicated and deep subject. But the more we study our own responses, the more self-control and wisdom we can enjoy in our relationships with ourselves and others.

Jesus, You are the source of all wisdom. More wisdom, please, about our anger.

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Fashion, Choices

In the sixties, I dressed up. I sewed loose dresses. One that I felt particularly good in sported an inverted pleat from a yoke, in yellow, with a red paisley design. Cool, huh?
Paisley Pictures, Images and Photos
In the seventies, I dressed down. I wore cut-off army pants and men’s plaid shirts as I attended college classes.

In the eighties, I wore big shoulder pads, like everyone else.

In the nineties, I wore flowy rayon dresses to see clients.

In the last few years, I wear simple classics—capris, black jeans, little t-shirts.

If you’re a woman over fifty-five, do you remember wearing acrylic knit pantsuits? Remember the first knit fabrics in the late sixties, polyester doubleknits, which meant we didn’t have to iron anymore? Did you wear cotton suits made with small flowered fabric? I have a picture of three of us on a high school field trip in the late sixties. We look like triplets in our rounded lapel jackets and skirts.

Used to be we all wore the same style of dress, the same height of hem, and the same sort of winter coat. Somebody might wear a flowered suit today, but it’s one of many choices. At the Academy Awards I saw many draped, solid color dresses, but they were all draped in different ways.

God gives us many choices. Some lead to beauty and truth. Some to consequences we regret. Fashion choice, within the boundaries of modesty, is just fun. (Except for many who produce the garments for us Americans…but that’s a thought for another day.)

Let’s continue to strive to make choices in every part of our lives that produce Godly consequences, without regret. Yellow, with red paisley? Never again.

Father, for Jesus’glory, work in us the will to do your good will.

 

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In the Midst of Ordinary Life

A week ago, the Japanese were working, playing, and studying, when the ground began to shake. The shaking continues–after tsunami, on to radiation releases with long-term consequences. Economic shaking will ripple through their bank accounts. In the midst of their ordinary lives, they have awakened to the extraordinary.

Though we may be thousands of miles removed from this current shaking, we ache with them because we know what a life changed in an instant feels like. Even if whole pieces of our country and economy have not been devastated, many of us have answered the phone call or opened the door to a reality that shifted our personal foundations.

Especially if we are Americans, the very normality of our lives can lull us into a kind of short-sightedness. We forget that we will all die. We wake up, we eat breakfast, we go to the office or to the kitchen for our daily work. We drive home through rush hour traffic or we ride the train or we wait for a spouse to return from his or her work.

The days pile on each other, in a rhythm that lulls us into certain kinds of expectations. We do not expect the ground to shake today. We expect our spouse to return with a smile, our children to live to adulthood. We expect life to go on, as we know it now. Though we vaguely know we’ll die someday, it seems far off.

And yet. Life will not always be as we expect. There is an end coming. Psalm 90 teaches us to “number our days.” Indeed, our days can be numbered and wisdom keeps that in mind, in the ordinariness of our everyday lives.

Father, we pray for mercy for the people of Japan. And we pray for wisdom for all of us, to recognize the deeper realities. For your glory and your coming kingdom. Amen.

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Listen

1 Listen to this, all you people!
Pay attention, everyone in the world!
2 High and low,
rich and poor—listen! Psalm 49:1-2

What does it take to listen? To concentrate our attention towards hearing? The psalmist goes on to speak of wisdom. He talks specifically of rich people going to the grave like everyone else, leaving their wealth behind.

Every communication has a communicator, a message, and a receiver. To listen to the psalmist’s message, we need to define “wealth” like he does. I’d bet he would say nearly all of us reading this are “wealthy.” If we define the wealth as “someone who enjoys more resources than me” have we really heard?

ear Pictures, Images and PhotosWe may have had our own thoughts sparked by his words, but if listening is understanding the message that was sent, we haven’t truly listened.

On Oprah, yesterday, I listened to sexually abused men, telling of ways trusted adults used them, as little boys, for the adult’s perverted pleasure. It was hard to listen. I listened because they needed to tell. Oprah mirrored compassion  to them, just as I would have had they been in my office. Abuse victims first need to believe they will be believed.  Unlike many of their families, they knew Oprah would believe them.

Real listening, person to person, takes concentrated effort. It takes love. It takes commitment. It takes believing that every person is “created in the image of God, of much worth and value.” That phrase is from Dianne Leman last Sunday:  http://www.thevineyardchurch.us/podcast .

Who will cross our path today who needs to be listened to? Spouse, child, neighbor, grocery store clerk? To listen is to love. To love is to obey Jesus’ command to “love our neighbor as ourselves.”

Holy Spirit, give us power, today, to listen.

 

 

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Over All

“What to write, Lord?” is usually my Friday morning prayer. This morning, my thoughts are many:

As I woke up, I thought about the relationship between sex and violence. Both penetrate physical boundaries, one in love and one in hatred. Not sure where that thought is going, but the similarity of the opposites intrigues me.

As Jerry and I took our morning walk, Tyler Perry’s comment on Oprah yesterday, about his physically abusive father, came to mind. “If I’d beat you one more time, you could have been president, like Obama.” I’m glad Mr. Perry knows his father is wrong.

Today’s USA Today includes a special supplement  about the need for global women’s rights. The right to be physically whole rather than mutilated, the right to be a child rather than a wife, the right to self-determination. Massive pain. Among others, a group called the Elders, including Jimmy Carter and Desmond Tutu, are working on some of these issues.

And the weather is finally breaking in central Illinois. Birds were singing this morning. Walking, we got overheated in our down vests.

Jerry just interrupted me to say, “I know you’re working, but you need to step outside. It’s 60 degrees.” In winter, does spring ever sound too good to be true?

Valley of the Fallen Pictures, Images and PhotosAnd yet, spring is here today. Snowdrops are blooming. The tiny bit of snow remaining in the front yard from the snowblower pile should clear out by noon.

And, after cancer and cataracts, we’re healthy enough to walk two miles every morning.

And, over it all,  amidst the jumble of evil and good that makes up the world, a good Father watches and waits and works.

 

Father, may we watch and wait and work with you.

 

 

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