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Yell and Tell

Are you the parent of a young child? Or a teacher or health professional who works with little ones?You’ve probably thought about sexual predators.

Do you know that those who take advantage of children’s innocence study how to set it up, how to draw the child’s trust, how to threaten them so they are afraid to tell? We also need to study these adversaries. Without overly dramatizing the threat, we can teach children they have permission to speak.

Many will not be pulled into this battle, but many will. The statistics are sad and perhaps more than you know:  up to thirty percent of girls and fifteen percent of boys are sexually violated before their eighteenth birthday. And those are the reported cases. Some of us never told any authority.

The threat needs to be prepared for. Like we warn very young ones not to run into the street, we need to warn older ones against this danger.

Sara Sue Learns to Yell and Tell is the second in a series of children’s stories designed to help open a conversation. Written from a strong Christian point of view, the story will be most helpful to Christians. An Amazon search yields very few books, Christian or secular, written for children on this topic.

Children who, immediately after a violation, tell and are believed fare much better than those who proceed in silence, believing the abuse to be their own fault. Whether you get this book or not, do talk to your children about how to be safe and that it is okay to yell and tell when something is not right.

This book came to my attention when I joined their promotion, next week on Amazon. If you buy a copy between 3/1 and 3/3, you can access more than fifty offers from various partners, from Charisma magazine to my own book, Trading Fathers. See the offers here: http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/go/amazon-blitz/

Father, please give us the wisdom and will to protect the children.

 

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Permission to Speak Freely

At your church, do you have permission to speak of hidden sin and shame? What’s the culture about confession? What’s allowable? Can you tell your pastor of your porn addiction? What about your small group? Can you speak from the front of the congregation about your deep fear of rejection? Who can you talk to about the sexual abuse? Who will hear your hatred?

Anne Jackson has written Permission to Speak Freely, a small book with a big message. Thomas Nelson, the publisher, sent me a copy. I read it the same day I received it.

When I finished, I thought, “I’ve always been part of honest churches.” And yet, when I pondered that more, I realized that I’ve been willing to share my garbage, sin, and shame, but I’m not sure everyone in the congregations I’ve been part of have felt that.

I was pushed into that sharing, in some ways, because of my obvious, psychotic dysfunction in the seventies. Everybody knew, in our 400-member group. I did a lot of crazy, attention-getting behaviors. Oops.

But I was prayed for and I had permission to speak freely of my pain and sin. Would that we all could begin with confession and find sanctuary in our churches. Here’s a video Anne’s done to promote the concept:

Permission to Speak Freely Resource Video from Anne Jackson on Vimeo.

Jesus, please bring your church to the place of real sanctuary again. Revive compassion and acceptance in our hearts, along with accountability. For your glory and our strengthening. Amen.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention it on my blog. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

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Permission to Feel

What strategies do you use to process your painful emotions? Can you label them? Do you know what sadness feels like? Do you know how fear feels? What does anger do to your insides? Sad, mad, glad, and fear. Those are often considered the four basic categories of emotions.

Labeling is the first step. A few of us had parents who taught us to label feelings, with all their nuances. Google “feeling word lists” to help identify emotions. That’s first. Labels help us know what we’re dealing with.

What’s the next step? Finding a way to give ourselves permission to feel the feeling. Actually, sometimes, permission is the first step. It’s possible to be so unaware that we either don’t feel much of anything or the emotion slips by with almost no awareness. Emotional health starts with permission to feel.

After permission comes expression. But if we’ve not been given permission previously, our expression may be out of bounds. Over-the-top angry, like I was once with my daughter when she dawdled over homework. Throwing our children across the room is not what I mean.

Stopping, finding a pen and paper and putting my feelings into words would have helped both me and my girl. Stopping, going for a walk around the block, talking to Jesus about how I felt would have helped. Asking my husband for a long hug would have calmed me down.

Feeling emotion–anger, tears, or fear–may seem tricky. But we can learn healthy ways to express ourselves. Studying emotional health helps. Google Peter Scazzero, Minirth and Meier, and Cloud and Townsend. Emotions are part of being made in the image of God. We are meant to feel them, within God’s bounds.

Father, we need your wisdom and your self-control. 

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Unfathered?

"A good coach makes an athlete see what they can be, rather than what they are. The same is true of a good father." George Foreman, quoted in the current issue of Today's Christian magazine, one of eleven short quotes the author, Michael W. Michelsen, Jr., lists in a sidebar to the main article on fatherhood. Mr. Foreman also has a book, Fatherhood by George (Thomas Nelson, 2008).

Did you have a father who helped you to see your own potential? Someone who said, "You can make the team." "You'll do well in college." "You'll have a good marriage–you stick with your commitments." If you had a coach/father like that, you probably don't struggle with debilitating performance anxiety. Your father has built into you an expectation that you have the ability and persistence to succeed.

If we did not have that kind of parenting, we need to 1. grieve our losses and 2. trade fathers. After a period of mourning, we need to trade our earthly father for our Papa-God. More than anyone on earth, our Forever Father can help us see what we can be, rather than what we are.

The unfathered among us feel, and believe ourselves to be, lacking ability for the tasks set before us. I've been very aware of that in the last few weeks. Writing a memoir is one thing. I didn't think I could really do that. By grace of Papa-God, it's done. Now, I'm struggling through to believe I can publicize and promote this message God has given.

The core of the message is God is a good father, no matter what we feel or what it looks like. I need to be inspired again, and I will be. Inspired to see what I can be, by grace. By the lavish grace of a good papa. Glory.

Papa, open our eyes to who we can be, who you have made us to be. You are a good father. Thank you.

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Learning From CBE Mistakes

"There's no perfection in this life, there's just
learning from our mistakes." When I worked with perfectionists, I tried to
teach them this jewel. I'd learned it myself, as a recovering perfectionist.
After attending the Christian Book Expo in Dallas this past weekend, as an
exhibiting author, I'm glad to report that we are learning from our mistakes.

Basically, nobody came. Expecting 15,000, we got 1500. In a huge hall like the
"F" area of the Dallas Convention Center, that felt like nobody. Feedback is flowing to the inboxes of the organizers, the Evangelical Christian Publishers Association. Online writer discussion boards are considering what authors can/could do to help with the next time. How should it be organized? A different venue? A different format? A different pricing structure? How should the publicity be handled? What went wrong?

Mistakes create the best learning. I still remember the right answer to a question I answered wrong in high school biology: "What's the largest organ in the body?" I don't recall my answer at the time. I remember the right answer. The skin. I remember it because it cost me something to learn it. I was used to getting almost all questions right on a test. That failure was a blow to my self-image. I'm guessing this failure, at CBE, is a challenge to some of the organizers' self-images.

Humility, of course, is a Christian virtue. Humility means facing mistakes honestly, seeing oneself clearly, and learning from the errors. I learned, in high school, that I wasn't as good a student as I thought. Mike Hyatt, the chairman of the Executive Committee for ECPA, is a particularly humble man. Not that I know him, but his blog demonstrates his character. What we will learn from CBE remains to be unveiled. But we will learn. The next event won't be perfect, either. But it will be better. 

Father, where do we need to learn from our mistakes today? Show us your way, your process of growth toward holiness, wholeness, and the image of your Son.

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Holding On

I've been waiting a long time for my book in my hand. What I'm waiting for is just around the corner. I've been here before, in other times of waiting. This is the time when I get tense and wish it was here, already. It's a familiar time, but not welcome.

Small things frustrate me. I want to eat chocolate. It is that time when I can finally let myself feel the anticipation/fear/excitement/frustration and whatever else vies for expression. I know the time is short.

Unlike a year ago, when I was also waiting. Then, I couldn't let myself feel anything. I had to keep on, keep plugging away, keep believing the goal would really be realized.

Now, however, I can afford the luxury of feeling. I won't wear myself out, like I would if I'd let myself feel all year. Now, the time is soon. The intensity of feeling won't be much longer. Relief is coming.

We're all waiting for something. We're waiting for the Kingdom to come. Waiting for a wedding. Waiting for a child. Waiting for a job. Waiting for peace. Waiting for joy. Waiting for hope. 

I'm enduring. We are enduring. Some days, that's all we do. We hold on–to the one who has hold of us.

And here's something fun I did while I'm waiting, using Wordle. This program makes a cloud display of the words you enter with size based on frequency of use. I notice "waiting" is pretty big.

(Tip: After the file opens, hit the button for rotating clockwise for easier reading)

http://www.wordle.net/

Poetry Words

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Looking for last-minute gift? My writing friend, Dianne Neal Matthews, offers two books of 365 devotionals. Here are you tube videos to give you an idea of their content: 


On This Day

 

One Year Women of the Bible 


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Can You Hear Me?

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. John 10:27(NIV)

Do we know his voice? Some of
us struggle to believe his voice is the one we are hearing. Often we believe
what we’ve heard is just our own thoughts. How can we distinguish his words
from media voices, parental words, Satan’s input, and our own ruminations? A
friend recommended a helpful book, Can You Hear Me? by Brad Jersak.

Jersak, a Canadian pastor, writes
clearly on hearing Jesus’ voice. He talks about the simplicity of listening,
blocks to hearing, and the life of listening prayer. His simple instructions
offer practical guidelines. For example, he describes listening through
biblical stories by starting with picturing the details of a Bible story, after
asking God to bring to mind one that is meaningful to you. After you imagine
the characters and their behavior, he suggests, just in your imagination, to use
your senses of touch, taste, sight, hearing, and smell to immerse yourself in
the narrative. Then, see where Jesus is and what he’s doing. Finally, as you
draw near to him, ask him what truth he wants to speak to you.

Following these instructions
with the Mary and Martha story, I got a clear sense of a personal word. I was
surprised, actually. I’ve often questioned whether I’m listening to his voice,
but the sentence that came to me spoke directly to a current need.

As Jersak points out, this
particular prayer strategy isn’t new, but he communicates it in a way I can grasp.
In addition to this engagement with scripture stories, Jersak teaches other ways
of hearing God. He also talks about intercession, justice, and inner healing,
among other topics. If you, too, are hungry to hear the shepard’s voice, this
book will feed you.

Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, we want to hear and obey
your voice.

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Dianne Matthews Devotionals

Here’s an invitation to an author friend’s new website, with a deal for you.

I pulled up the For Sale sign at Dianne Matthews and
moved in a few days ago.

Of course, I’m hoping all my friends will stop
by to see the new place. I don’t expect you to bring a casserole or Bundt cake,
but I am hoping for a housewarming gift. Please use the Contact page to sign up
to receive 30 devotionals from my new book which releases September 1. I’ll
begin sending devotionals from The One Year Women of the Bible on August
1, and on August 31, I’ll draw two names to receive free autographed copies of
the book.

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Ann Tatlock; Prayer

Muscaricloseup02_72_dpi_2 I’m behind on my goal of writing two devotionals a week and I’m feeling too scattered this morning to get one done today. So, here’s something different.

An author recommendation: Ann Tatlock. I just finished her latest novel, Things We Once Held Dear. This book is a study of a man returning home after an absence of many years to confront some unfinished business. I met her two years ago in Ashville at the Writing for the Soul conference. We had a chat at dinner about borderline personality disorder and she kindly looked at some of my writing. Even though I’m famous among my friends for not remembering what I read, I often remember a wonderful father character from another of her stories. I’ve seen her work in general market bookstores, not just Christian ones.

Here’s a prayer for the day: Sweet Jesus, how we need you. We need you like flowers need rain. We need you like stomachs need food. Like the earth needs the sun. We are made to need you. Help us be more and more comfortable in our dependence. The world expects us to be independent, autonomous, and thinks something wrong with us if we acknowledge need. But we are always needy and you are always sufficient. Thank you. Help us let you meet our needs today. So be it.

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